Who doesn't love some nipple juice in the morning!

Why is it when I fart... i get the "eeeewwwww"
and the
"next time, do it outside"
or what about the
"WTF..."
soooo why is it funny when a girl does it?   It still stinks!

I hate when people try really hard to be badasses! When was acting "like an asshole or bitch"considered to be cool or funny? Nobody sent me a facebook status letting me know of this new trend.

Why are German wash machines sooo tiny? They would be perfect for lil people... but us normal folks, lets face it... we either need a real washing machine... or we will just do laundry all day!

So I called the legal office last week to ask them a question... they referred me to their facebook page.

A screaming kid sounds like a dinosaur giving birth... well, I am pretty sure, since they have been extinct for a couple of years... The dinosaurs that is. But pretty sure they sound the same.

Killer worms still hate salt.

I feel bad when my girls trip, fall, and hurt themselves. Should I feel bad... that when a stranger's kid falls and hurt themselves, I dont feel anything?

People in public should act like they are eating cookies and cakes with grandma. Yes... grandma stinks, has no teeth, and sucks at telling cool-interesting stories... but she will die soon!

My friends are cool.

Milk is good for your bones. It is a proven fact that Milk is needed to tighten bone cells, multiply bone crust powder, and comes from nipples... who doesn't love some nipple juice in the morning!

Fucking someone up with a phone book... does leave marks!

If you think she is hot... just remember: Hot girls have hot friends who need to prove to their friend that they are easier then the hot girl your trying to get with.


"Thank you" is not a Chines family name. Dont be afraid to use it once or twice a day.

Kess is kinda a big deal!