Deployments

Deployments

One of the hardest thing a military family will face is a deployment. The struggles and issues resulting in a deployment can be very hard on the spouse and children. My family should be experts on this subject. We have been married for 9 years. We have two daughters. I have been deployed 6 times already. One deployments was over 9 months and it involved convoys in Iraq. While many might argue that we shouldn't even deploy troops overseas and might be offended that our military are helping other countries rather then our own, I look at the bigger picture: happy world=happy United States. 

One of the struggles when finding out the harsh news is telling the family. This news should not be shared over the phone but rather during a dinner or a quite family setting. I always make sure to get any information on the new deployment that I can to answer any questions. Dominique, the oldest, is very smart and takes it the hardest. She will ask all the hard questions: the length, the reason, and how dangerous is this place. After the tears and hugs it is now a waiting game. This can be a week or 6 months. This time helps us get ready emotional and gives me time to make sure my wife and daughters are taking care of.

There are many things that need to be accomplished before a deployment. Will, POA, taking care of the bills, car inspections, and ensuring the family is mental ready. My wife will be a single parent for 6 months. She will be the boss and what ever I can do post deployment, will reduce some stress in the future. For my kids, we try to have allot of daddy and daughter days. Play dates, movies, and going to the park are great way to just have one on one moments. This is also difficult since Dominique will use this time to open up and tell me how sad or scared she is. All I can do is listen and make sure she understands that I will be back and we will still get to talk over the phone or through the internet. My wife understands the military life, but it never gets easy. Making sure she is mentally ready is important. She  knows the struggles and frustrations she will face including the stress of being a single parent. 

At the airport, the tears start rolling again. The youngest, Hayden, is holding on tight. Researching my face to remind her how I look, I am guessing. Dominique is flowing with tears and is holding my hand. So is my wife trying to be strong, but those tears are overpowering her. We say our "see you laters" and I walk alone towards the gate and look back and wave. Holding back my emotions to show that I am strong and try to prevent more tears, I turn around and walk away. With many phone calls and the occasional web cam chats to look forward to the 6 months will fly faster then someone might think.

Deployed military members go through many stressful task. The normal everyday argument could evolve into big fights that usually can cause divorces. Trust plays a big role in everyday thoughts for both the deployed member and the stay at home parent. What are they doing right now, why haven't I received any phone calls this week, are some thoughts that start to appear. The spouse at home has the everyday headache of dealing with the kids, bills, the house, the cars, and anything else that might come up. For the kids, depression can take place. School grades can degrease and not behaving for the single mom. This all is on the deployed members mind, every day, every second. Not to mention just missing their family. Looking for any new emails or letters with that new picture of the kids smiling makes the week seem like months. Not to mention the normal stress from work.  

A deployment can destroy a family or make them stronger. Normal routines can help with busy days and the normal stress. Communication is a must and cant be broken. Both adults need to remember that both are going through rough times and should try not to play the "I have it harder" card. Trusting in each other has to be accomplished. If the trust is broken, being apart thousands of miles cannot help any situations. Both parents need to start healthy activities with the kids. Like a calendar to count down days, plan a family trip, and  even painting pictures r starting a journal. If a family has a strong bond it can conquer anything, including a deployment.